You see for all 24 years of my life, there has been this man that I considered a rock, as a constant in my world. He would shower me with kisses, hugs, and more love than anyone could ever image. He would kiss away my boo boos, share stories, laughter, strawberry candies, IBC cream soda, ice cream from the ice cream man, take me shopping, spoil me, let me shoot Mr. Clean bottles with a BB gun, and most of all never judged me as anything other than perfect. He would always think of the little things. He complimented new hair styles, new clothes, and he always noticed if you'd lost a little weight. Although some may have viewed him as stern or harsh ( with his former Marine background), he was nothing but gentle and sweet when it came to his grandbabies. This man always had a smile on his face, and even when he wasn't feeling well, he did all that he could to make everyone feel like it was all going to be okay...and then June happened. June 2012 was when my families worst fears came to life.. My sweet Granddaddy was diagnosed with blastic plasmacytoid dendritic cell neoplasm which is a horrible, aggressive cancer. In my eyes, he was handed his death sentence. This horrible disease is a mix between a lymphoma and leukemia with no cure and no answers. We watched him get weaker and sicker as the days went on. In and out of the hospital, but I swear whenever I saw him he always put a smile on. We spent as much time as we could with him, and let him see his great grandchildren as much as the doctors would allow (due to the severely weakened immune system)..needless to say..you all know my story here doesn't end well. On November 28th, around 10:30 in the morning, this man who has always been there for me, was called home. He put up the biggest fight, and he kept fighting until we told him it was okay to let go. I cannot describe to anyone the amount of pain that I felt at that moment and that I still feel today. Without Granddaddy, everything is just a little empty...just a little bit colder..He took a part of my heart with him that day, and I will not be whole until I can be with him again sometime. It hurts. It's hard. Sometimes no matter how hard I try, the tears still spill over the dam I've built throughout the years, but I have a wonderful support system, and though this has been painful for my entire family, we have been there for each other through every tear, every sob, every memory, and every fear. I appreciate them more than my words could ever explain...
2012 has taught me many things..
1. Life is so very short.
2. Do not take 1 thing for granted.
3. You can never say "I love you" too much when you mean it.
4. Make time for your family
5. You always have time for a goodbye kiss or hug
6. Staying angry doesn't solve anything
7. 3's are much worse than the 2's
8. my 3 year old will repeat things especially cuss words.
9. if Friends are real friends, they aren't friends at all, they're family
10. we don't decide our fate
11. You never know until you try.
12. CANCER SUCKS!
Pardon my language, but I would like to give 2012 a swift kick in the ass!
I'm eager to see what journey's 2013 has in store for me. If I made it through the storms of 2012, I know I can make it through any valley or shadow of 2013. Bring it on....just Bring it on.
No comments:
Post a Comment